I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
