Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
