So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How does it feel to date your dad?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
