I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize