I smell stomach acid.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
