I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
