When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize