Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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