Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
