I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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