Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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