How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
