Only a mothe r could love this liver
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
