and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
