Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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