Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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