I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
