Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
