I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
