I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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