I cannot find my penis.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
