she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
