i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
