dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
