Christians are straight up FREAKS
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
