no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
