Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
