Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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