I wannas sexs uuuuu
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
