Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
