I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
