Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
