so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
