just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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