If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
