that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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