wanna go halves on a baby?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize