dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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