Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize