apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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