and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize