why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
