I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
