just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
