I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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