I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
