I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
