we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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