when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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