my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
