and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
