Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
