How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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