I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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