Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize