you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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