I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
