you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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