my phone needs a breathalizer
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
