Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
