Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
