I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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