I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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