I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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