I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
