im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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