It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
